Gremory is the 56th demon in the Ars Goetia, described therein as looking like “a beautiful woman with a Duchess’ grown tied around her waist, and riding on a great camel.” Needless to say, I just wasn’t feeling the camel.
This drawing took forever. When I wasn’t getting distracted by the obvious, I was feeling paranoid about not doing her justice, so I kept putting it off. In the end, I figured “justice” was impossible and settled for “Result that feels enough like her.”
When I can’t think of what to draw, sometimes I do quick practice sketches of whatever might be near me. After all, drawing something is better than drawing nothing. 🙂 In this case, I picked the little crystal tree on my desk.
I felt like using a drawing instead of a photo for my personal Twitter avatar, so I came up with this. If I’m going to draw myself, I might as well look cool. :p (As always, you can also find this in the gallery.
In life, she often suffered in silence. She’d been taught her pain didn’t matter and when she dared to show it, she was often judged, ridiculed or punished. Now, she wears a permanent smile and knows only bliss.
In life, she dreamed of suicide. She longed for death so often that she simply considered it normal. Now, her flayed wrists are a testament to how she welcomed her fate.
In life, she was the outside observer—seeing much, but rarely part of anything. Now, she has no eyes that would be recognized as such, but sees far more clearly than she ever did before.
In life, she experienced loneliness and longed for acceptance and love. Now a being spoken of only in whispers who wanders depths of Hell, she has no concern for such things.
In life, she was quiet and kept to herself. People sometimes told her that she needed to speak up, that she should be more outgoing. Nobody took her seriously; even those who told her to talk only wanted her to say what they thought she should. She’s now been relieved of the burden of speech—and everybody listens.
In life, she felt powerless. Now, she has nothing to fear.
(It started as a self-portrait of sorts, but since it took on a life of its own, I decided to give her a story. For more of my present and future artwork, please feel free to visit my art site.)
Hi, Everyone! I just wanted to make a brief post to let you know my ongoing game project Homicidal Jenny is still going on. I’ve even included photographic evidence in the form of some questionable concept at and the somewhat less questionable semi-final product. As you may have guessed from the screenshot below, it’s the boss room for stage three.
Right now, because I really have no idea what I’m doing and didn’t plan much in depth, I’m focused on getting the stage layouts and graphics done. After that, I’ll work on any normal enemies I haven’t created/programmed yet as well as the bosses. Then, the menus and generally making it playable followed by cinematics and such. Music will more than likely be the last thing I sort out; my composition talent is minimal and even if I just scrape together free resources or something (after all, the game itself will be free), I want it to sound halfway decent.
But one way or another, this game WILL get finished. Eventually. In the meantime, thanks for your patience—and for being interested enough to check on its progress!
Every morning Monday through Friday, I wake up and work out. Every Saturday, I either do cardio or run for at least three miles. It isn’t always because I want to. Often, it’s just because I know how much worse I feel when I don’t. I think this is the one thing that I never, ever skip regardless of my emotional state because it ties into so much stuff: health, self-image, ingrained habit, etc. I feel like I can’t afford not to or too much will fall apart.
How healthy that perspective is might be debatable, but it’s definitely useful since it keeps me from skipping my workouts. Moreover, once I’ve done it, my mood improves at least for a while regardless of where I started. It’s nice to know that whatever else happens, I’ve accomplished this one thing and can see the results over time—and more often than not, I even end up enjoying the process itself. But here’s the interesting thing: it doesn’t just work for workouts.
I have longstanding issues with depression and anxiety. I’ve even been diagnosed with dysthymia, which basically means that mild depression is my normal mood. Over the last several years, it got progressively harder for me to focus on much of anything that once had meaning for me. So, for the most part, I stopped doing most of the things I once loved doing. Even if I found the will, I would do a thing for a while, enjoy it, feel lost once it was over and eventually give in to the voices that told me I would never finish, that I would never be good enough, that it was pointless to try. But when I did do something, even if I had to force it and even if the feeling was fleeting, I felt better for having done it. I never felt better for not having done it; I only felt worse.
You’d think I’d get it right away, but I guess I wasn’t in the right headspace for an epiphany. Then, one day, I got the idea to revitalize my internet presence and set up some sites for stuff, which I knew would have to be an ongoing project if I wanted it to amount to anything. I was feeling unusually inspired and wanted to see what would happen. Which ultimately let to this Tuesday.
On Tuesday, I made a drawing. I hadn’t wanted to draw, exactly, but I told myself I had to get it done that day—and did. I finished it despite the voices in my head telling me I sucked and that I should give up. The drawing turned out somewhat better than I thought it would and I was proud of myself for having made it, let alone pushing myself to post it where other people could see it.
That’s when I realized something important: if I want to do the thing, I should just do the thing, same as with my morning workouts. I might not be thrilled about it at first and getting it done might be a struggle, but once I finally do the thing, I always feel better. In fact, writing this blog entry feels good because I’ve accomplished something. No, it’s not the end of the process any more than this morning’s exercise was my last routine, but it’s still one little thing I can look at and say, “I did this much today.”
I know all my problems aren’t solved. I know I’ll still have issues with this, even serious ones at times, because as much as I’m loath to admit it, I am only human. But now, when I’m tempted to give up on something I know I want to do, I have good reason to reconsider.
In honor of spooky season, I did a practice sketch of Jack Skellington. I know there’s room for improvement, but that’s what makes it practice. 🙂 (Also posted in the gallery along with my other stuff.)
Over nineteen years ago, I brought home an extremely cute and almost comically assertive five-month-old kitten. I’ll never forget how the little one introduced herself: she meowed for my attention and put her paw on my fingers when I reached through the cage bars. How could I say no? But I really found out what I was in for while we were in the waiting area and she saw a rather large German shepherd. This little bitty kitty girl, for whatever reason, started hissing at a creature many times her size. Luckily, the dog ignored her, but that’s pretty much who she was.
I named that kitten Casey. She became my little buddy who cuddled with me, commandeered my food, watched movies with me, freely yelled at me whenever she wanted or needed literally anything, terrorized the vet, and liked to be tucked in next to me at night. Casey was endless entertainment and kept me on my toes. She was also (at least with me) the snuggliest, most fiercely loving thing you could ever hope to encounter, especially in her old age. (more…)