I probably should’ve posted something about this earlier, but… I have a new job. I start work next week. It’s an office job (nothing fancy, but it is a job) and pays enough for me to have something like a life.
For a long time, I doubted it was even possible for me to get a steady job. I wasn’t even getting interviews, much less anything else. I even gave up and quit looking for a while. Now it seems like out of the blue, things have turned around.
I have a lot of feelings about this. The first is a sense that this really IS the start of a new life for me. From now on (and especially once I’ve tied up some loose ends), I can think of all the money-related misery I’ve dealt with as part of the past. And not just because of this job, either. I think that’s just step one.
Without that particular thing weighing me down so much, it’ll probably be easier in a way for me to make progress with my creative stuff like writing and game design. Yes, I’ll have to learn to work with a new schedule, but not having 50-90% of my day eaten up with wondering how I’ll pay the rent can only help my focus. And with money, I’ll be able to by some new game-making tools.
And… I’ll no longer feel so ashamed to be around other people. I won’t have to be “That friend who can’t afford to pay for lunch”–a situation I avoided by just not making friends. If I want, I’ll be able to see movies other people see instead of maybe (if I’m lucky) going to see one once a year. I might even be able to buy a current game console.
I think it’s all still sinking in right now. After so long with so few options, so much is opening up. For so long, I’ve dreamed that something like this would finally happen. And it is. Maybe that means it’s safe to believe I can attain bigger dreams.