Making Peace with Mary Sue

One of the things I want most is to write fiction for a living. Whether or not it’ll ever happen, I have no idea, but as long as I have stories and the will to tell them, I’m going to keep writing them down.

Except for my earliest attempts, I’ve always written male main characters. I never thought much about the reasons; it just sort of happened. But recently, I did.

One, more male characters = more HoYay and more slash. Which I’ve kinda been into since before I even knew what it was.

Two, writing male characters lets me put more distance between myself and them. I always play the spectator/director and don’t get too enmeshed or identify too closely. That way, I can avoid putting too much of myself in the story.

That leads to reason Number Three, the dreaded Mary Sue. Writing her is apparently a capital offense. Writing as an outsider let me feel protected, gave me some assurance I was (like any “good” writer should) just analyzing and presenting a character instead of putting out some ideal version of myself or simply indulging my fantasies. Because, as I’d internalized without even knowing, writing to indulge your fantasies or merely acknowledging certain ones is the worst thing you can do, and even just being accused of it is The Crime That Shall Not Be Named.

Then, on a whim, I looked up an old fan fiction site. Not mine; someone else’s I first found ages ago. (more…)


Friday Feature: To This Day Project – Shane Koyczan


No words. Just watch. [Site Link: To This Day Project]


A Few Small Additions

Now that my hives have finally more-or-less cleared up, I took care of something I wanted to do for a while: I added a profile picture to the About page. In fact, I added two of them… and please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t take the “sexy” picture too seriously. I was just having some fun. :)

As long as I was doing that, I figured I might as well 1)update the page and change it specifically to an About Me page and 2)put up a site map/site info page for anyone interested and 3)make some small improvements to the header navigation. I hope it worked out okay.

I’ve also put up the beginnings of a commissions page. Since all the cool kids are doing it, I figured I’d give it a try.

Oh, and from the looks of things, I’ll be resuming the webcomic next Wednesday. :) As usual, the hardest part was making myself get started.


Fear and the Art of Self-Loathing

Having a weird medical issue that’s sucked up my attention and energy came with one advantage: it gave me an excuse not to think about much else. All the plans I had and all the decisions I needed to make could be pushed to the wayside while I was 1)miserable from itching 2)paranoid of how disgusting the hives and swelling looked 3)terrified I’d never get better and 4)trying anything I could think of to fix #1 so the rest would go away. Being preoccupied with that freed me from other fears, namely that all my creative ambitions might fail… or, in some ways, “succeed”. (more…)


Adventures in Allergies

(Warning: You may find this entry more boring than usual.)

Minimizing stress seemed to help… until it, well, didn’t.

Rewashing my clothes in a different detergent seemed to help… until it, well, didn’t.

Drinking more water seemed to help until…. You get the idea.

“So, what’s this about?” you might be asking. It’s about the two months I’ve spent dealing with a bad case of hives. Yes, you read correctly: TWO MONTHS. All because I couldn’t figure out what the crap was causing me, on a daily basis, to look like the victim of some scary-looking (and extremely itchy) alien plague-and what, on a random basis, was making my eyes/lips/half my face swell up so badly I barely looked human. It got so awful that if I had health insurance, I definitely would’ve seen a doctor. I also realize at this point that it’s just sheer luck I didn’t develop anaphylaxis or that hives didn’t form in my throat (yes, that really happens), so I’m thankful for that.

For much of the last two months, I’ve been preoccupied with this. With wondering why this was happening and why it kept getting worse and fearing I was stuck with it since chronic hives are a thing. I’ve also been taking lots of Benadryl so I could semi-function and to keep from scratching my skin off, basically having to choose between being covered in itchy, burning welts and the fact that Benadryl usually either completely knocks me out or leaves me feeling like I’ve had a lobotomy. Once I take the stuff, assuming I can focus well enough to finish a task at all, it ends up taking a lot longer than it normally would.

The good news is I finally figured out what the problem was. (more…)


Why Bi? (Or, What’s in a Name: The Essay)

(This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. Everyone has the right to choose whatever label suits them, so I figured I might as well tell the world why, despite any controversy that might surround it at present, this is the one I’ve embraced.)


I’m bisexual. That’s the label I choose. I also like the term “Fluid” because my feelings can and do change. But as long and metaphorically blood a road as it’s been for me to accept myself as such, “bisexual” is not a word that I’m giving up. I wear the term as a badge of honor. It’s a reminder of where I’ve been and how long it took me to get here—and of the many who came before me, recognizing the same in themselves and taking that same label, who participated in the LGBTQ movement before I was even born. For me, it means I’ve finally stopped running from myself and won’t let fear or other people squeeze me into boxes I don’t fit. It’s also nice having a handy term that I don’t have to explain. (Well, except when dealing with people who think “Bisexual” means “Indiscriminate Nympho” or “Typhoid Mary” or “BOOYAH! INSTANT THREESOME!!1″ But that’s a whole ‘nother topic.) (more…)


Friday Feature: Resident Evil 4 Merchant buys Resident Evil 5


So, this happened. (Picked because it’s funny, but lesser-known than the Mega64 skits that might’ve inspired it.)