So Very Tempting

To put it mildly, my last blog entry was… a hit. Not in terms of lots of replies (and I’d guess that some people weren’t quite sure how to reply), but it roughly quadrupled the usual numbers for traffic for new posts.

Apparently, if I write things with “Sexy” in the title and include the right self-portraits, people are suddenly quite a bit more interested in my blog. Which makes it really tempting to just do that all the time. Oddly, though, I didn’t do that for traffic or attention—even if they did make for welcome side effects. The only reasons for the pictures or the subject were my own catharsis and my own enjoyment, and putting it all out there (ha, ha) felt good. Especially since, ultimately, it showed me there was nothing to fear.

Nonetheless, that got me to thinking how easy it would be if I always posted SEXY pictures and talked about SEXY things all the time, preferably in plenty of super HOT AND SEXY detail sure to shock and titillate the masses. Or even if I went back to video-based game reviews and instead of including my “cuteness” as a bonus, I made it the main feature, plus a healthy dose of innuendo and flirtation. Maybe I’d even change my name to SEXY Gaming Pixie to go with the new gimmick! Surely, my site would be popular in no time!

Then I remembered I’m just not that cynical. Neither am I that devoted to drawing attention to myself. Besides, if I did do that, I would end up hating myself—for legit reasons this time. It’s one of the ironies of my milquetoast existence: I’m not good at doing things just to be popular, especially things that are shallow. Maybe that whole “introvert” thing makes it seem like too much effort and a bit too silly.

Sexy stuff or otherwise, anything I put here is done because I feel like it, for my own self-expression and/or self-exploration. I also hope my creative stuff and exercises in public therapy might give some interest/encouragement/ideas/etc. to other people since I like being of help. Changing my motives would mean changing me, and it wouldn’t be for the better.

But the extra traffic would be nice. ;p

Sex[y Picture] Therapy

[Note: Includes sexy pictures.]

Recently, I was involved with someone who taught me many things. No; it’s more he helped me find what was already there. He’s not really part of my life anymore, but I’m grateful he was. He helped me to sort things out in a few months that might otherwise have taken years.

He saw me a certain way–as this sexy, vibrant creature just bubbling with sensuality. Secretly, that was the way I wished to see myself.


“What Will People Say?”

It seems my whole life has been governed by this deep-down mortal terror of what other people might say. What they would think. How they would see me. How not to be misunderstood and cast aside as a Bad Person. I’ve twisted myself in all sorts of ways, trying to fit this image of what others want to see or show whatever qualities I think are going to please them.

When I was a little girl, there was time in a restaurant when a waiter was so surprised when he heard me speak. For an itty-bitty girl, I fairly mature voice—relatively deep and clear-spoken. He said, “Wow, I was expecting this cute little voice….” And it stuck with me. From that day on, I tried to sound cuter. Because it was what people expected, you see, and I thought it would make them happy. I’m trying to train myself out of that now and speak—always—like I think I would’ve if I hadn’t tried to change myself.

When I was a teenager, I became a Jehovah’s Witness because I was desperate for a place to belong and the reassurance of knowing I was a Good Person who was doing The Right Thing. (more…)

In Defense of: Sucker Punch – Conclusion

“As Real as Any Pain”

[Note: There are ending spoilers here.]

Beyond thematic elements (and some really great music and visuals), I have personal reasons for my fondness for this film. In one of the early asylum scenes, Dr. Gorski is counseling Baby Doll and tells her this:

“It’s like we talked about, you control this world. Let the pain go. Let the hurt go. Let the guilt go. What you are imagining right now, that world you control…. That place can be as real as any pain.” (more…)

In Defense Of: Sucker Punch — Part 3

About That Ending… and Feminism, Too.


[Warning: This part contains HUGE spoilers, including ENDING SPOILERS for both the theatrical release and the director's cut.]

The ending of Sucker Punch is among its most controversial elements. Except for Sweet Pea, all of Baby Doll’s friends have been killed in the brothel-reality. (In the film, it’s left ambiguous whether they died in the real world. It’s possible they were lobotomized or taken/confined to some other part of the facility.) Sweet Pea and Baby Doll have made it outside brothel and are on their way to freedom… except there are scores of men waiting outside who’d catch them in an instant.

Baby Doll tells Sweet Pea to go

“You’re the only one of us who ever had a chance out there.”

This is when Baby Doll remembers her plan needs “one more thing.” As mentioned by the wise man who sent her on her quest, this One Thing will be “A deep sacrifice—and a perfect victory.” That’s when it finally dawns on her: she needs to sacrifice herself so Sweet Pea, who Baby Doll sees as “the strongest” of the girls and “the only one of us who had a chance out there”, can go free. In the real world, this means causing a distraction and ultimately letting herself be lobotomized. How it goes in the brothel fantasy depends on which version you’re watching. (more…)

In Defense Of: Sucker Punch – Part 2

Let’s Analyze This Thing!


[Warning: This part contains spoilers.]

First off, I’m going to restate that I do think this movie contains feminist ideas. The most common argument against this I’ve seen basically boils down to how the movie is not “empowering” and, therefore, yet another tiresome exercise in exploitation masquerading as Girl Power. (Which is exactly what I thought it was before I actually watched it.) On seeing the movie, though, I found something else: a sincere and, for me, successful attempt to draw attention to a problem. Namely, the problem the film itself is accused of contributing to. (more…)

It was … the worst of times, mostly.

Without getting into why, the last few months (except certain bright spots) have NOT been fun at all. But I have had time to think more about what I’d like to do with this site… including, unfortunately, dropping Dreaming You. I know some people liked the story and wanted to see where it was going, but the inspiration for it left me some time ago. I can’t force myself to commit to a long-term creative project I don’t really feel like doing, especially not if I want it to be any kind of good. I still like the concept and characters; I’ll likely revisit them someday in some form or another. But they won’t be the same as they were when they first came to me.

That aside, there’s another longish project I AM going to finish that I started (and then kept putting off) long ago: my article In Defense of Sucker Punch. As of now, I’ve got the second part and most of the third written. There will be a total of four. Getting that done and posted should help free my concentration for other things since it’s been bugging me for some time that I hadn’t finished it yet. ^^; I don’t plan to post it all at once, though. Likely one part this Wednesday and the remaining two next week.

Other news and stuff will be posted… when it’s posted. :)

Until Then,

The Pixie

(Oh, and if you’ve been here before, yes, the banner ad is gone. I didn’t really get any money from it anyway, so there wasn’t much of a point.)